When Jake gets in trouble at school for giving his teacher, Delores Pasternak (Missi Pyle), the finger, Charlie decides to woo her as an attempt of saving Jake from being suspended. Jake then catches Pasternak in the kitchen in the middle of the night but thinks it's a dream. Charlie then sends Jake back to bed, and Delores worries while Charlie says it's fine and they should go back to his room for more sex. In the morning, Charlie makes Huevos Rancheros to soften the blow when telling Alan. Charlie tells Berta of it and she just laughs that Alan will learn, with Alan just glad she's in a good mood. Because Charlie did something nice, Alan asked what stupid thing he did, just like Berta did. Charlie admits what happened and Jake knows and Alan panics. Now that Alan knows, he asks Jake if he wants to talk about it, for Jake to reveal he thought it was a weird dream and asking to be homeschooled. Charlie still dates her until things become odd. When Charlie is about to break it off on the phone, Jake stops him and insists that Charlie not because Jake and his classmates have been getting great grades on their assignments, even though Jake's answers on his history test were weird. Charlie tries to break it off with Delores, due to the fact she wants a commitment by God's will, but she thinks he's scared of commitment and needs help. When he tricks her by saying he's going to the bathroom, he makes a run for it and jumps with a freeze frame. Upset Charlie ditched her, she punishes Jake by giving him double the amount of his regular homework. This results in both Jake and Alan being extremely mad with Charlie.
Charlie: Um... break up with Miss Pasternak, right?
Alan [about Jake]: Hell, no, he's getting A's. He hasn't gotten an A since nap time in kindergarten.
Charlie: But he's not learning anything!
Alan: Charlie, get your priorities straight; I'm trying to get him into a decent middle school! After he's accepted, he can learn that Sacajawea wasn't... [reading Jake's test answer]: "a bag full of Jawea".
Miss Pasternak [referring to Jake]: Do you think he'll be okay?
Charlie: Sure, he's just not used to seeing his teacher out of the classroom... and her pants.
Rose: Yeah, I do mate for life. I'm like a penguin that way, plus I like to slide across the ice on my belly.
Judith [referring to Charlie]: Hold on, what is he doing here?
Alan: Well, my car's in the shop, and Charlie was nice enough to give me a ride.
Charlie: No, Charlie was nice enough to call you a cab, but you wouldn't take it.
Miss Pasternak [regarding Jake giving her the middle finger]: I was writing on the board and he thought I couldn't see him.
Alan: Is this true?
Jake: Yeah, I really thought she couldn't see me.
Miss Pasternak: Jake, I'm only your teacher from 8:15 to three o'clock. After that I'm just a person like anybody else.
Jake: This is more wrong than the time I saw Santa peeing at the mall.
Charlie: Oh, Miss Pasternak...
Miss Pasternak: How come you never call me by my first name?
Charlie: I don't know, this just seems way hotter.