"Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor"
December 15, 2003
Chuck Lorre & Don Foster (story)
Lee Aronsohn & Mark Roberts (teleplay)
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor is the 11th episode of season one, and the 11th episode overall.
While at the movies,
Charlie and Alan run into Judith, completely transformed into a hot-tee! They find out that Judith in reality had not turn gay, and was dating Jake’s soccer coach, Phil.
Later at a bar, Charlie makes Alan understand that Judith has moved on with her life, and its time Alan forgets about her and moves on too. Alan figures that he should start right now, and goes after a few girls, only to find out that he first should make a few changes, like his hair and clothes, just like Judith.
Jake mentions Coach Phil giving him favors like making him the first string on the soccer team. Jake also starts getting impressed by the changes Judith is implying on herself, and mentions that he doesn’t feel Alan is cool enough. Alan then asks Charlie to help him get some new clothes.
Leaving Jake with Evelyn (both of whom didn’t wanted it too), Alan and Charlie go to a few clothes store, but find nothing on which Alan could get adjusted. They then find a gay man, who picks up the correct look for Alan. Alan gets scared by the changes he is about to make, which makes Charlie angry and leave him. Alan, however, agrees to buy the new clothes, and they split. On the other hand, Evelyn and Jake don’t get along very well, and she leaves, allowing
Rose to babysit Jake, claiming that ‘life is too short’.
Jake gets impressed by the new look of Alan, making Alan realize that he had been unfair to Charlie, and finds him in the bar, where a lot of women find him attractive, including the bar waitress, who didn’t remember Alan due to his new looks.
The episode ends with Alan committing to Charlie that he will try to adopt the changes he will make.
John Valdetero as Coach Phil
Jake: I don't wanna go clothes shopping. I'm not the one that needs a new look, so why do I have to go?
Alan: Come on, Jake, get your jacket and let's go.
Jake: Fine, I'll get my stupid jacket, then we'll get in the stupid car and then we'll go to the stupid mall and we'll go stupid clothes shopping.
Charlie: Hey, don't talk to your stupid father like that.
Jake: I don't know. We were watching SpongeBob SquarePants, and she stood up and said life was too short.
The list of superhero names that Alan gives to himself while he and Charlie are at the bar. While not saying the quote, it is implied that this will be his new superhero name after his "transformation."
Two and a Half Men Episodes
Pilot • Big Flappy Bastards • Go East On Sunset Until You Reach The Gates Of Hell • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going To Take A Nap • The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Wind Up With A Hump • Did You Check With The Captain Of The Flying Monkeys? • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without A Snoot-ful • Phase One, Complete • Merry Thanksgiving • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor • Camel Filters And Pheromones • Sarah Like Puny Alan • I Can't Afford Hyenas • Round One To The Hot Crazy Chick • That Was Saliva, Alan • Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats • An Old Flame With A New Wick • I Remember The Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You • Hey, I Can Pee Outside In The Dark • No Sniffing, No Wowing • My Doctor Has A Cow Puppet • Just Like Buffalo • Can You Feel My Finger?
Back Off, Mary Poppins • Enjoy Those Garlic Balls • A Bag Full of Jawea • Go Get Mommy's Bra • Bad News from the Clinic • The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance • A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana • Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers • Yes, Monsignor • The Salmon Under My Sweater • Last Chance to See Those Tattoos • A Lungful of Alan • Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair • Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts • Smell the Umbrella Stand • Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? • Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! • It Was Mame, Mom • A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise • I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey • A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On • That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother • Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab • Does This Smell Funny to You?
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Taterhead is Our Love Child • Pie Hole, Herb • Damn You, Eggs Benedict • The Flavin' and the Mavin' • A Jock Strap In Hell • It's Always Nazi Week • Best H.O. Money Can Buy • Pinocchio's Mouth • The Mooch At The Boo • He Smelled The Ham, He Got Excited • The Devil's Lube • Thank God for Scoliosis • I Think You Offended Don • David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie • I'd Like to Start with the Cat • She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime • The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? • My Son's Enormous Head • The Two Finger Rule • Hello, I am Alan Cousteau • Above Exalted Cyclops • Sir Lancelot's Litter Box • Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth • Baseball Was Better With Steroids
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Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud • A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer • A Pudding-Filled Cactus • Hookers, Hookers, Hookers • The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel • Twanging Your Magic Clanger • The Crazy Bitch Gazette • Springtime on a Stick • A Good Time in Central Africa • Ow, Ow, Don't Stop • Dead from the Waist Down • Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead • Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup • Lookin' for Japanese Subs • Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak • That Darn Priest
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt • People Who Love Peepholes • Big Girls Don't Throw Food • Nine Magic Fingers • A Giant Cat Holding a Churro • The Squat and the Hover • Those Fancy Japanese Toilets • Thank You For The Intercourse • Frodo's Headshots • A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes • What A Lovely Landing Strip • One False Move, Zimbabwe! • Slowly and In A Circular Fashion • A Possum on Chemo • The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack • Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy • Not In My Mouth! • The War Against Gingivitis • Palmdale, Ech • Grandma's Pie • Mr. Hose Says "Yes" • Why We Gave Up Women • The Straw In My Donut Hole • Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
I Changed My Mind About the Milk • A Big Bag of Dog • Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt • You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For • That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam • Ferrets, Attack! • Avoid The Chinese Mustard • Something My Gynecologist Said • I Scream When I Pee • One Nut Johnson • Give Santa a Tail-Hole • Welcome to Alancrest • Grab A Feather And Get In Line • Run, Steven Staven! Run! • Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It • Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby • Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries • The 9:04 From Pemberton • Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon • Bazinga! That's From a TV Show • Another Night With Neil Diamond • My Bodacious Vidalia • Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
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