"Best H.O. Money Can Buy"
November 10, 2008
Don Foster, Mark Roberts, Eddie Gorodetsky (teleplay)
Chuck Lorre & Lorre (story) Best H.O. Money Can Buy is the 7th episode of Season 6. It originally aired November 10, 2008.
Plot Alan explains to Charlie the night he had with Judith, leaving Charlie confused, thinking Alan would be happy. The two of them don't want Jake to know about this incident, so Charlie pretends they are thinking of sending him to military school, which frightens Jake, and he goes to do his homework. This display surprises Alan and Charlie who realize they should have used this tactic on him.
Alan goes over to Judith's to break off their new relationship, but after having a nice dinner and wine, he has sex with her. Charlie encourages Alan to move back in with her, saying he can go tonight, which makes
Jake think they are talking about him. Charlie makes Jake do many chores, including getting him beer, cleaning the garage, washing his car and cleaning the deck, all by threatening him with military school. Both Charlie and Alan are pleased with this new knowledge, gladly taking advantage of Jake.
Herb invites Charlie to join him with a few prostitutes, which he doesn't refuse. The two go with the women to his train track filled apartment. Feeling nervous, Herb offers them a Snapple, and then starts crying. Feeling shameful, he leaves to go declare his love for
Judith. Charlie then puts on a conductor hat and says to the women "all aboard."
Alan and Judith are kissing, then they get into a fight about the way they kiss. This leads Judith to hate him again and go back to Herb. A few weeks later, Judith and Herb go to Charlie's house to drop off Jake, who tells them that his grades aren't good enough for military school and more importanty, that Judith is pregnant, leaving Alan speechless. Jake questions this and Charlie replies by saying that Alan is doing math in his head. Jake claims this as "a bitch".
Title quotation from
Herb, to Charlie and two prostitutes, when they arrive back at his apartment.
Two and a Half Men Episodes
Pilot • Big Flappy Bastards • Go East On Sunset Until You Reach The Gates Of Hell • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going To Take A Nap • The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Wind Up With A Hump • Did You Check With The Captain Of The Flying Monkeys? • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without A Snoot-ful • Phase One, Complete • Merry Thanksgiving • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor • Camel Filters And Pheromones • Sarah Like Puny Alan • I Can't Afford Hyenas • Round One To The Hot Crazy Chick • That Was Saliva, Alan • Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats • An Old Flame With A New Wick • I Remember The Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You • Hey, I Can Pee Outside In The Dark • No Sniffing, No Wowing • My Doctor Has A Cow Puppet • Just Like Buffalo • Can You Feel My Finger?
Back Off, Mary Poppins • Enjoy Those Garlic Balls • A Bag Full of Jawea • Go Get Mommy's Bra • Bad News from the Clinic • The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance • A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana • Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers • Yes, Monsignor • The Salmon Under My Sweater • Last Chance to See Those Tattoos • A Lungful of Alan • Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair • Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts • Smell the Umbrella Stand • Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? • Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! • It Was Mame, Mom • A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise • I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey • A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On • That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother • Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab • Does This Smell Funny to You?
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I Changed My Mind About the Milk • A Big Bag of Dog • Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt • You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For • That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam • Ferrets, Attack! • Avoid The Chinese Mustard • Something My Gynecologist Said • I Scream When I Pee • One Nut Johnson • Give Santa a Tail-Hole • Welcome to Alancrest • Grab A Feather And Get In Line • Run, Steven Staven! Run! • Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It • Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby • Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries • The 9:04 From Pemberton • Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon • Bazinga! That's From a TV Show • Another Night With Neil Diamond • My Bodacious Vidalia • Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
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