Well-known wacky Catchphrases of characters from Two and a Half Men.
Charlie Harper (Seasons 1-8)[]
- "I'm a big ol' bourbon-soaked, cigar-huffing ass, as God in His infinite wisdom meant me to be. As He meant all men to be!"
Walden Schmidt (Seasons 9-12)[]
- "I have a huge penis."
Judith Harper-Melnick[]
- "Come on Herb. He's crazy."
Alan Harper[]
- "Blindsided by my son... reamed by the IRS... rejected by my lover... betrayed by my friend... molested by a truck driver.... cast out by my mother... and rained on by God. And this isn't even the worst week of my life."
Evelyn Harper[]
- "You cheating bastard!"
Berta[]
- "I ain't cleaning that up."
Jake Harper[]
- "I'm an underachiever, not an idiot."
Rose[]
- "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, then you stalk them."
Jenny Harper[]
- "Bite Me, Supreme Court."
Kandi[]
- "Hi, we need to talk."
Chelsea Melini[]
- "You and Charlie?"
Herb Melnick[]
- "I'm about to take a crap in this jar!!! Herb to Judith while talking to Charlie about how he's about to crap in that jar."
Teddy Leopold[]
- "Terrific."
Melissa[]
- "In here."
Celeste Burnett[]
- "Oh hi, Dad."
Lyndsey McElroy[]
- "Alan can never find out about this."
Eldridge McElroy[]
- "Don't dude him dude."
Zoey Hyde-Tottingham-Pierce[]
- "You didn't abandon him, you had a career."
Robin Schmidt[]
- "It's all my fault really."
Billy Stanhope[]
- "She dumped me."
Larry Martin[]
- "Yeah, I realized all this anger isn't good. I had to let it all go."
Brooke[]
- "Hey Barry, check out these cups."
Ms. McMartin[]
- "What's going on?"