"I Merely Slept with a Commie"
Airdate
February 26, 2007
Written by
Susan Beavers & Jim Patterson (teleplay)
I Merely Slept with a Commie is the 17th episode of season 4. It aired on February 26, 2007.
Summary [ ] After Charlie and Alan tell their mom that nobody likes her and will probably not attend her funeral when the time comes, she replaces them with a new family, which makes both of them very jealous.
Plot [ ] Evelyn returns from a funeral, complaining heartlessly as ever about the ceremony and her late “friend” Cynthia. When Evelyn leaves for the bathroom, Charlie wants to run off because he can’t stand her self-obsessed rhetoric any longer. Alan insists on Charlie to tell their mother she’s not that different from (the also hateful) Cynthia, hoping she’ll take the hint and improve. Charlie tells Alan it will never work, and she just “gets new people” when people get tired of her instead.
Upon returning from the bathroom and ready to go to dinner, Evelyn is cautiously told by Alan and Charlie about her shortcomings. She decides to cancel dinner and goes home.
Weeks later, not having heard of her since, it’s Evelyn’s birthday. Charlie, Alan, and Jake buy her a gift and decide to bring it over. They’re startled to find a birthday party going on, where she's celebrated by her adoring “new people”: the gay couple Roger and Philip with their son Changpu, a Chinese boy Evelyn helped them to adopt (by sleeping with a Chinese government official).
In order to win back the “respect” of their mother, both Charlie and Alan try to place the blame on each other for the talk they had with her. When Alan stops by to prepare her a meal, he suggests to make a family portrait to get in her good graces.
On picture day, Charlie comes downstairs and is surprised to find a photographer in his living room. Alan and Jake are getting ready in the kitchen, when Charlie confronts Alan about talking to Evelyn behind his back. Alan acts as if it’s against his will and he had no choice. Charlie returns the favour and decides to join him for the picture.
When Evelyn is at the door, she brought Roger, Philip and Changpu with her since they are family too now, much to Charlie and Alan’s dislike. Charlie goes back to bed upon seeing this.
At the end, Changpu and Jake are jamming together with their cello and guitar respectively. Alan and Charlie figured out the perfect way to get back at Evelyn for ruining the family portrait: try to let wunderkind Changpu stoop to Jake’s level.
Cast [ ] Title quotation from [ ] Evelyn to Charlie, about how she helped to adopt Changpu.
Two and a Half Men Episodes
Season 1
Pilot • Big Flappy Bastards • Go East On Sunset Until You Reach The Gates Of Hell • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going To Take A Nap • The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Wind Up With A Hump • Did You Check With The Captain Of The Flying Monkeys? • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without A Snoot-ful • Phase One, Complete • Merry Thanksgiving • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor • Camel Filters And Pheromones • Sarah Like Puny Alan • I Can't Afford Hyenas • Round One To The Hot Crazy Chick • That Was Saliva, Alan • Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats • An Old Flame With A New Wick • I Remember The Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You • Hey, I Can Pee Outside In The Dark • No Sniffing, No Wowing • My Doctor Has A Cow Puppet • Just Like Buffalo • Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 2
Back Off, Mary Poppins • Enjoy Those Garlic Balls • A Bag Full of Jawea • Go Get Mommy's Bra • Bad News from the Clinic • The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance • A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana • Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers • Yes, Monsignor • The Salmon Under My Sweater • Last Chance to See Those Tattoos • A Lungful of Alan • Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair • Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts • Smell the Umbrella Stand • Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? • Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! • It Was Mame, Mom • A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise • I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey • A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On • That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother • Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab • Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts • Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover • Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark • Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs • We Called It Mr. Pinky • Hi, Mr. Horned One • Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop • That Voodoo That I Do Do • Madame and Her Special Friend • Something Salted and Twisted • Santa's Village of the Damned • That Special Tug • Humiliation is a Visual Medium • Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded • My Tongue Is Meat • Ergo, The Booty Call • The Unfortunate Little Schnauser • The Spit-Covered Cobbler • Golly Moses, She's a Muffin • Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro • And the Plot Moistens • Just Once With Aunt Sophie • Arguments for the Quickie • That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4
Working for Caligula • Who's Vod Kanockers? • The Sea is a Harsh Mistress • A Pot Smoking Monkey • A Live Woman of Proven Fertility • Apologies for the Frivolity • Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head • Release the Dogs • Corey's Been Dead for an Hour • Kissing Abraham Lincoln • Walnuts and Demerol • Castrating Sheep in Montana • Don't Worry, Speed Racer • That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami • My Damn Stalker • Young People Have Phlegm Too • I Merely Slept with a Commie • It Never Rains in Hooterville • Smooth as a Ken Doll • Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot • Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous • Mr. McGlue's Feedbag • Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin' • Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom • Media Room Slash Dungeon • Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo • City of Great Racks • Putting Swim Fins on a Cat • Help Daddy Find His Toenail • The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room • Is There a Mrs. Waffles? • Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids • Kinda Like Necrophilia • Meander to Your Dander • A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh • The Soil is Moist • Winky-Dink Time • Rough Night in Hump Junction • Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty • Fish in a Drawer • If My Hole Could Talk • Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6
Taterhead is Our Love Child • Pie Hole, Herb • Damn You, Eggs Benedict • The Flavin' and the Mavin' • A Jock Strap In Hell • It's Always Nazi Week • Best H.O. Money Can Buy • Pinocchio's Mouth • The Mooch At The Boo • He Smelled The Ham, He Got Excited • The Devil's Lube • Thank God for Scoliosis • I Think You Offended Don • David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie • I'd Like to Start with the Cat • She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime • The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? • My Son's Enormous Head • The Two Finger Rule • Hello, I am Alan Cousteau • Above Exalted Cyclops • Sir Lancelot's Litter Box • Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth • Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 7
818-jklpuzo • Whipped Unto The Third Generation • Mmm, fish. Yum. • Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator • For The Sake of The Child • Give Me Your Thumb • Untainted by Filth • Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. • Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair • That's Why They Call It "Ball Room" • Warning, It's Dirty • Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste • Yay, No Polyps! • Crude and Uncalled For • Aye, Aye, Captain Douche • Tinkle Like a Princess • I Found Your Moustache • Ixnay On The Oggie Day • Keith Moon Is Vomiting In His Grave • I Called Him Magoo • Gumby with a Pokey • This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud • A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer • A Pudding-Filled Cactus • Hookers, Hookers, Hookers • The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel • Twanging Your Magic Clanger • The Crazy Bitch Gazette • Springtime on a Stick • A Good Time in Central Africa • Ow, Ow, Don't Stop • Dead from the Waist Down • Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead • Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup • Lookin' for Japanese Subs • Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak • That Darn Priest
Season 9
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt • People Who Love Peepholes • Big Girls Don't Throw Food • Nine Magic Fingers • A Giant Cat Holding a Churro • The Squat and the Hover • Those Fancy Japanese Toilets • Thank You For The Intercourse • Frodo's Headshots • A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes • What A Lovely Landing Strip • One False Move, Zimbabwe! • Slowly and In A Circular Fashion • A Possum on Chemo • The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack • Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy • Not In My Mouth! • The War Against Gingivitis • Palmdale, Ech • Grandma's Pie • Mr. Hose Says "Yes" • Why We Gave Up Women • The Straw In My Donut Hole • Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10
I Changed My Mind About the Milk • A Big Bag of Dog • Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt • You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For • That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam • Ferrets, Attack! • Avoid The Chinese Mustard • Something My Gynecologist Said • I Scream When I Pee • One Nut Johnson • Give Santa a Tail-Hole • Welcome to Alancrest • Grab A Feather And Get In Line • Run, Steven Staven! Run! • Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It • Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby • Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries • The 9:04 From Pemberton • Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon • Bazinga! That's From a TV Show • Another Night With Neil Diamond • My Bodacious Vidalia • Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
Season 11
Nangnangnangnang • I Think I Banged Lucille Ball • This Unblessed Biscuit • Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank • Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 • Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants • Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie • Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. • Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer • On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! • Tazed In The Lady Nuts • Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. • Bite Me, Supreme Court • Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe • Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin • How to Get Rid of Alan Harper • Welcome Home, Jake • West Side Story • Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang • Lotta Delis in Little Armenia • Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot • Oh, Wald-e, Good Times Ahead
Season 12
The Ol' Mexican Spinach • A Chic Bar in Ibiza • Glamping in a Yurt • Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight • Oontz, Oontz, Oontz • Alan Shot a Little Girl • Sex With an Animated Ed Asner • Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey • Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey • Here I Come, Pants! • For Whom the Booty Calls • A Beer-Battered Rip-Off • Boompa Loved His Hookers • Don't Give a Monkey a Gun • Of Course He's Dead
