Alan finds out that Charlie stole his high school girlfriend, so he sets out to even the score.
Plot[]
Alan comes home from cycling wearing a flashy outfit when Gabrielle, Charlie’s latest French girlfriend, comes down the stairs. They have a brief conversation about cycling (or “bycicling”) and she goes home. Charlie comes downstairs as well, and Alan asks him where he finds women like Gabrielle. Charlie simply states he has a “knack” for it.
Friday evening, Judith brings over Jake, who’s sad because his girlfriend dumped him. Charlie hears that Jake arrived, and quickly hides his bag of favourite cookies above the fridge. According to Charlie, Jake is a “bottomless pit” when it comes to food.
Charlie, Alan and Jake are having dinner when Alan starts to talk to Jake about his breakup. Alan tells him that there’s not much you can do to relieve the sorrow. To strengthen his message, Alan tells Jake that many years ago, his own girlfriend Charity Kirschenbaum dumped him the night before junior prom without a reason. Charlie interferes and offers them his perspective: when you get dumped, you go out to find yourself a “better” girl. He advises Jake to call Nicole O’Malley, the cutest girl in his class.
That night, Alan is drunk and looking in his high school yearbook. He asks himself “what if” Charity hadn’t dumped him, and decides to call her to come clean about the past when Charlie is sitting next to him on the couch. When Charity is on the phone, she tells Alan that he “should ask his brother Charlie” what happened. Before Alan gets the chance, he hears Charlie drive off in his car.
The next morning, Alan is emptying Charlie’s cookie bag. Charlie calls him out on it when he enters the kitchen, but for Alan it’s a matter of tit for tat. Charlie tells him the truth, that he indeed “stole” Charity Kirschenbaum twenty years ago. Alan is furious, and goes for a bike ride to blow of steam.
That evening, Sunday night, Jake is on the phone with Nicole O’Malley. He’s excited when she agrees to be his date for the winter dance. Judith is picking up Jake, when Gabrielle is also at the front door. She asks Alan if Charlie is okay, since she has not heard from him and doesn’t return her calls. Alan sees his chance for revenge and invites Gabrielle inside for a glass of wine. When Alan and Gabrielle are on the deck, Charlie walks in. Gabrielle tells Charlie that she feels that Alan is a better fit for her, but it’s clear that she can’t bare the awkwardness of the situation. She runs off home in confusion.
The next day, to get in Charlie’s good graces again, Alan promises to break it off with Gabrielle (while also buying three bags of his favourite cookies). Unexpectedly, Charlie insists Alan on dating Gabrielle. In his reasoning, it’s only fair because she “chose” him. An unknowing Alan is excited that he finally got the long end of the stick.
Alan and Gabrielle are at her place when they’re about to have sex. However, it turns out that Gabrielle is a very passive lover, because her understanding of making love is to just lay still and let her bedpartner do their business on top of her. Alan decides to not go through with it and goes home. He realises that Charlie wanted to get rid of Gabrielle the whole time.
Upon arrival home, Charlie is on the deck and obviously knows how it played out. Alan thinks they’re back even, but then Charity Kirschenbaum suddenly appears, who asks Charlie to come back to bed. A furious Alan screams out his anger at the top of his lungs.
Alan’s cycling outfit is that one of the Italian cycling team Sacla Sesto Auto Ab Isolanti Maiet - Palazzago, season 2007.
Charlie’s favourite cookies are Granny’s Big Fudge Nuggets.
Because Charity broke up with him, Alan had to go to the junior prom with his cousin Phoebe, who was 12 and in a body cast.
In German, “Kirschenbaum” means “cherry tree”. This would make Charity, Charity Cherry Tree.
Gabrielle endearingly calls Alan “mon pauvre petit”. This means “my poor little one” in French.
When Alan wants to be forgiven for coming on to Gabrielle, even buying Charlie his favourite cookies, he is wearing an out of character white polo shirt. White usually symbolises innocence or purity.
This was the last episode aired prior to the 2007-08 writers’ strike.
