Berta's daughter, Naomi (Sara Rue), is pregnant and Berta drags Charlie with her when she confronts the baby's father, Ronald Wienermier, in a rough neighborhood. Alan reveals a secret fetish for pregnant women when he gets to spend time with Naomi. After having the baby, Naomi reveals that Ronald isn't the father.
Plot[]
Alan mistakes a strange pregnant woman who shows up on Charlie's doorstep as one of Charlie's past mistakes. Berta approaches and reveals that the mystery woman is Naomi, her youngest child. Berta tells Charlie and Alan that Naomi was her most promising offspring until she got pregnant by a married man, Ron Weidermeier. She has agreed to take Naomi in and puts her to work in Charlie's house, telling her that she has to learn to make her own way in life if she's going to support herself and the baby.
Alan reveals that he has a fetish for pregnant women. Alan tells Charlie that when Judith was pregnant with Jake, it was the only time in their marriage that she was excited about sex. Charlie believes that this explains Jake's issues…because he "received repeated blows to his unformed head" before he was born. Alan follows Naomi around, helping her with tasks and getting her to let him rub her belly to the horror of the rest of the family.
Charlie tries to use his bathroom but finds Berta inside, crying. He takes her to see the Ron Weidermeier, but is unable to use his bathroom due to an explosion. Berta & Charlie return to the house to find Naomi giving birth on the sofa with Alan coaching. Naomi decides that maybe she had the wrong father after all. Berta gives $4000 of the money she extorted from Weidermeier to Naomi.
Charlie, to Alan, about why he believes Jake's grades are so low.
Notes[]
For this episode, Jon Cryer was nominated for the 2007 Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series, while Conchata Ferrell was nominated for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series.
Kandi and Evelyn do not appear in this episode.
Quotes[]
(Berta knocks on a door, bumping and thudding)
Ronald: What?
Berta: You Ronald?
Ronald: No.
Darlene: Ronald, who is it?
Ronald: Damn it, Darlene. We're incognito, remember? You cops?
Berta: Yeah. I'm Scully. This is Mulder.
Charlie: Listen, can I use your bathroom?
Ronald: No, no, it's, uh, not functioning... correctly. We use the Chevron up the block. Bye.
Berta: No bye-bye. So, Ronald, this is the deal. You've knocked up my little girl, and I want to know what you're gonna do about it.
Ronald: Well, that depends.
Berta: On what?
Ronald: Who's your little girl?
Berta: Naomi.
Ronald: Naomi? Oh, I haven't seen Naomi in a real long time.
Charlie: About eight, nine months?
Ronald: Yeah, that sounds right. Ew.
Darlene: Ronald, what's going on?
Ronald: Nothing, sweet cheeks. OK, look, I'd like to keep this away from the missus. She's a little volatile, hasn't slept really well.
Charlie: Maybe you got a coffee can or a milk jug? I can just go around back?
Ronald: No, no, it's a real mess back there.
Darlene: Uh-oh.
*Explosion*
Berta: Ooh!
Ronald: Damn it, Darlene. I told you not to smoke in there.
Charlie: Well, I don't have to pee anymore.
Charlie: You know, these sweat pants are really comfortable.
Berta: That's 'cause they're dry.
Charlie: And, hey, what a deal. What did you call that place again?
Berta: A swap meet.
Charlie: Swap meet. Well, aside from the exploding meth lab and peeing myself, this was a fun little trip. I got the sweat pants, a bag of tube socks, four DVDs, and a corn dog, all for eight bucks.
Berta: Just a hint. The corn dog'll last longer than the socks.
Naomi: Oh, God! Oh! It's too big!
Berta: What the hell?
Charlie: Alan, you sick freak.
*walks into the living room*
*sees Naomi in labor*
Berta: Naomi!
Alan: Oh, hi. She's having a baby.
Berta: Damn!
Berta: It's okay baby, mama's here.
Charlie: Oh
Berta: What? You never saw an angry one before?
Berta: Outta the way, Zippy!
Alan: It's okay, i'm a Chiropractor
Naomi: *screams in labor pain*
Alan: You got it.
Berta takes over to help Naomi*
Berta: It's okay, take a deep breath and PUSH!
Charlie: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let me put down some tube socks!
Charlie: *rips open the bag of tube socks in an attempt to keep his coach dry*
Berta: Take a deep breath, breathe and push!
Naomi: *screams in labor pain*
Charlie: *looks at Naomi in labor*
Berta: Push!
Naomi: *groans in labor pain, then screams*
Charlie: *looks at Naomi, then covers his mouth to avoid vomiting*
Berta: Now, you listen up Brittany Pam. you're my last chance. you're gonna go to college, and you're gonna make something of yourself. No getting knocked up by some greasy tweaker from Rancho Pacoima.
Naomi: Oh, gee, mom, about that. I've-I've kind of been counting back the weeks, and Ronald can't be the daddy.
Berta: What?
Naomi: Yeah. See, he was in a burn unit at the time. He wanted to, but his skin just kept sliding off.
Charlie: Oh, God, Here comes the corn dog.
Alan: So... so, who is the father?
Naomi: Well, I got it narrowed down.
Berta: Oh, dear lord.
Naomi: I'll know for the sure if she starts speaking Spanish.
Charlie: But we just shook down Ronald for $5,000.
Berta: "We"? You were hiding behind the car, pulling off your wet undies.
Nurse Shelby: Make yourself comfortable. The doctor will be right in.
