Russell: [repeated line] What are you, a cop?
Russell is a pharmacist and was a friend-of-sorts of Charlie. He has been known to both use and sell illegal drugs.
He is played by the late Martin Mull.
History[]
Russell manages and owns a pharmacy that Charlie goes to on occasion. Russell also has three ex-wives, all of which he pays alimony to, which may or may have not been the cause of his constant abuse of medications in his pharmacy. He is shown to abuse anti-psychotic drug, Viagra, cough syrup and muscle relaxant. It is mentioned he has no children with his ex-wives because he tells Charlie he has not paid one cent in child support - pointing out that he paid attention in health ed class in high school and Charlie did not. During Evelyn's birthday, he reveals that he owns a drug pre-habitation center in Malibu for rich celebrity to pay 50000 USD a month to do drugs in secret to compensate for his lack of income to support his massive alimony.
The first time Charlie was seen with Russell was when he was asking about the effectiveness of condoms in preventing pregnancy. Another time was when Chelsea was sick with the flu and having her period, and Charlie needed to go to the pharmacy to get tampons and flu medicine. Russell gave Charlie a special cold medicine with codeine, but when Charlie asked about codeine requiring prescriptions, Russell simply replied, "What are you, a cop?", something Russell often says when Charlie or Alan or Walden questions his business ethics.
One time when Charlie was sick and Chelsea was going to the pharmacy, Charlie told her, "If you get help from Russell, count the pills." Stating quite blatantly that Charlie lacks trust in Russell. The one time Charlie was at Russell's pharmacy for sleeping pills, but Russell convinced him to buy medicated marijuana instead, which caused Charlie to have hallucinations of several of his ex-girlfriends complaining about him.
Charlie once tried to set Russell up on a date with Evelyn on her birthday, but showed up at her birthday party with a thirty-year old woman in Season 8. Evelyn eventually leaves the party with Russell's date for a lesbian one night stand. Russell told Alan and Charlie at the party he operates a "prehab", a place celebrities to stay for one month to do drugs.
Russell attends Charlie's funeral in the Season 9 premiere episode. At the service, Russell demands $38,000 for drugs that Charlie owed him, but Alan says it's something he has to discuss with the lawyers, but he says he doesn't want to involve the law. He has not been seen or mentioned since this particular episode. He reappeared in "Welcome to Alancrest" during Season 10 when Alan took Walden to see him.
Trivia[]
- Despite being in the same situation like Alan of having paying ex-wives alimony and child support, Russell is still far better off than Alan financially. However, his money making scheme is less than legal. .
Quotes[]
- Russell: [at pharmacy] What else?
- Charlie Harper: Uhm... let's see. Cough syrup.
- Russell: Regular or codeine?
- Charlie Harper: Don't you need a prescription for codeine?
- Russell: What are you, a cop?
- “Gumby with a pokey”
- "If you get help from Russell, count the pills." - Charlie said to Chelsea
- "Sleeping pills. Those can be fun... you know, with a couple Red Bulls so you don't fall asleep."
- "Dr Gollygoopta". - Russell
- "Oh high, so high". "Oh thats not good". “I send you prescription!” [Phone rings] “Excuse me!” “Hello, DirectTV customer service!” - Dr Gollygoopta
- "Great news, Charlie. You've got glaucoma." - Russell
- Berta: Is that what I think it is?
- Charlie: Yup. Got a prescription.
- Berta: God I love California.
- "28, 29, 30......Ah hell she ain't gonna miss one"