Alan is sure that things will turn out bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist Melissa.
Plot[]
Charlie is driving Alan to work bumper-to-bumper, because Alan’s Volvo is in the shop. In a flawed attempt to cheer up a sleepy, grumpy Charlie, Alan imitates famous comedic duos (Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis), but his Three Stooges act makes Charlie halt on the highway to start punching Alan and twist his nipples.
Arrived at Alan’s office, Charlie follows Alan inside to go to the restroom. Alan wants him to not use the toilet in his office, and insists there is one down the main hallway. In reality, Alan wants him to avoid meeting his attractive receptionist Melissa. An unknowing Charlie is not buying it and meets Melissa when he opens the office door.
Charlie is bragging to Melissa about his wealth and good-doing for driving Alan to work, when Alan drags him outside to privately warn him to leave Melissa alone. He tells him she’s a terrific receptionist, ironically with crappy pay and no benefits. Melissa offers Charlie and Alan coffee, but Alan makes Charlie decline to try make him leave. He does, but makes the suggestion to pick up Alan later that day in order for him to see Melissa again (even after being resistant to the idea earlier in the car). Melissa says she’ll take care of that. To express his gratitude, Charlie tells her a cold margarita will be waiting on his deck upon her arrival.
That evening, Melissa is on the deck with Charlie having a laugh. When Charlie comes inside, Alan is sitting in the kitchen and warns him again about leaving her alone. In Alan’s reasoning, Charlie will eventually get rid of her, leaving her with bad memories that will make her quit her job (because Alan will always remind her of Charlie). Charlie tries to comfort Alan by preaching that he’s a changed man, and wants to establish a friendship with Melissa first. However, 98 minutes later, Alan can’t sleep, because Charlie is having sex with Melissa and his bed is too noisy.
The next morning, Alan crosses a scantily dressed Melissa in the kitchen. She sees the upside of the situation, now that Alan’s car is still in the shop, they can “carpool to and from work”. This means that she’s coming back that evening, because Charlie invited her to stay the weekend, much to Alan’s annoyance.
Later that day, Friday night, Judith stops by to bring over Jake. Melissa answers the door, and Alan quickly comes to the door himself to talk to Judith. He tells her Charlie is “doing” Melissa and not him. Not surprisingly, Judith judges the situation, but wants Jake to stay with Alan anyway.
Monday morning, Alan knocks on Charlie’s door for him and Melissa to leave for work. An upset Melissa storms out to wait in the garage. Alan, who obviously knew it was going to end badly, is angry with Charlie for him screwing it up. As it turns out, Charlie suggested to Melissa to “slow down” and see other people.
In the car on the way to work, Melissa demands a raise and health insurance. Alan, who’s afraid she might quit otherwise, concedes to her wishes. When Melissa wants an extra paid vacation and Alan resists, she aggressively makes her car do donuts on a rainy high way. Alan screams he’ll give her two weeks.
