The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance is the 6th episode of Season 2. It originally aired on October 25, 2004.

Summary[edit | edit source]

Alan worries about another side of his personality when he thinks about a childhood incident in which he stole a toy, but Charlie secretly knows why it happened.

Plot[edit | edit source]

While out at a family meal, Alan and Evelyn try to explain to Jake what venison is. Eventually they explain it's deer in the forest like Bambi. Jake then say they should eat Bambi. Evelyn then lets out a secret of Alan's past – he shop lifted when he was younger. Alan denies having shoplifted in his life but begins to fear he has a dark side that took over his mind. Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to Berta to stay out of trouble himself. He then tells Alan who freaks out. When Alan forces Charlie to fess up to Jake thinks Charlie was smart to do so. Alan finds it impossible to forgive Charlie until Evelyn asks Alan to move in with her because of Alan's dislike towards his brother. Eventually Alan decides to move back in with Charlie.

Cast[edit | edit source]

Title quotation from[edit | edit source]

Alan, after Charlie questions his habit of flossing after every meal.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • At the end of the episode when Alan and Charlie are sitting out on the deck, the camera shows Alan taking a sip of his drink. However, in the next shot showing Charlie, Alan's drink is back in his lap and there was insufficient time for Alan to move his arm back down.
  • When Charlie and Alan are sitting on the sofa and Charlie says "What if the security guard did plant it on you? That would mean that there's no bad Alan," the items that Alan is holding switch hands. Alan goes from holding a biscuit in his right hand and a food packet in his left hand to holding the biscuit in his left hand and the food packet in his right hand.
  • The morning after Charlie tells Alan he was the one who planted the Silly Putty on him, when they are arguing at the breakfast table, Jake's glass of orange juice (which he put on his left side as he was leaving the table), shifts to the right side for the camera shots with just Alan (which would have been Jake's right side), and then shifts back on the side where the glass was originally placed later during the argument.
  • The title is a variation of a quote by Wendell Phillips: "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty."
  • Evelyn refers to a therapist that she took Alan to as a child as, "that wall-eyed doctor." Jon Cryer portrayed a character named Jim 'Wash Out' Pfaffenbach in Hot Shots!. He suffered from the dreaded malady "Wall-eye Vision."
  • Berta and Judith do not appear in this episode.

Quotes[edit | edit source]

  • (Alan is furious with Charlie)
    Evelyn: How are my boys doing this evening? (no response) Well, I think Mommy has the answer. Alan, if you find it intolerable, living under the same roof with the brother who betrayed you, then you and Jake can come and live with me.
    Alan: (thinks it over, turns to Charlie and shakes his hand) We're good.
  • Alan: (to Jake) Your father never stole anything in his life. And your Uncle Charlie is a thief and a coward.
    Jake: Yeah, but you're a mule.
    Alan: (to Charlie) Are you happy? (to Jake) Go get dressed and washed.
    Jake: Can we go to the mall?
    Alan: Why do wa—no!
    Jake: (walks away) I need to get a different mule.
  • Alan: (to Charlie) Tell Jake what you told me last night.
     Charlie: Oh, okay, sure. Jake, your father didn't steal the Silly Putty, I did.
    Jake: Really?
    Charlie: Yeah, I stuck it in his pocket, so if anything happened, he'd be the one to get in trouble.
    Alan: What do you think now, Jake?
    Jake: I think Uncle Charlie's a genius.
  • Charlie: Good morning.
    Jake: Morning. Why are you walking like that?
    Charlie: I spent the night in the bathroom.
    Jake: You, too, huh?
  • Alan: You cracked the parental code on the cable box again didn't you?
    Jake: It's 1234. Even a monkey could crack that.
  • Charlie: (Charlie locks himself in Alan's bathroom while Alan is outside in the bedroom) There is no bad Alan. I'm the one who stole the Silly Putty and put it in your pocket when you weren't looking. Three, four, five, six, seven.
    Alan: Damn you to hell! Come out here and die like a man!
    Charlie: (to himself) What do you know, there is a bad Alan.
  • Alan: Did you see me take the Silly Putty?
    Charlie: Oh, no, no, I was nowhere near the Silly Putty. I think I was in the doll section, taking a peek under Barbie's dress. What a gyp that was!
  • Alan: You, too?
    Charlie: Yeah, apparently mom wasn't the only parasite at dinner tonight.
  • Alan: Are you okay?
    Jake: No. That deer didn't have antlers when I ate it, but it's sure coming out that way.
  • Jake: Dad, did you ever steal a car?
    Alan: I never stole anything.
    Jake: It's okay, you can tell me. I already know you got a rap sheet.
    Alan: For the last time, I did not take the Silly Putty, but the experience did teach me an important lesson and you know what that was?
    Jake: If you get caught, stick to your story no matter how lame it is?
    Alan: No, the lesson was...
    Jake: Hang on, Dad (Jake farts silently) Okay, go ahead.
    Alan: The lesson was—oh, God, Jake, that's awful!
    Jake: Yeah, I wish I could have saved that one for school!
  • Charlie: Remember how you were a bed wetter until you were eight?
    Alan: Yeah.
    Charlie: You actually stopped at six.
    Alan: What? What did you do? Did you sneak into my room and pour warm water on me while I was asleep?
    Charlie: Yeah, okay. Let's say that it was water, and that I poured it.....
  • Jake: Dad, if Uncle Charlie let you kick him in the nuts would that make you guys even?
     Alan: No. Jake: (to Charlie) Boy, he's really mad at you.
  • Charlie: You are tightly wrapped aren't you?
    Alan: The price of healthy gums is eternal vigilance.
  • Charlie: Hey, Jake, have you ever eaten snails?
    Jake: Yeah, sure.
    Charlie: I mean in a restaurant.
    Jake: Uh, no.
  • Evelyn: So, dear...
    Jake: What?
    Evelyn: You see anything you like?
    Jake: I don't know. What's venison?
    Evelyn: Deer.
    Jake: What?
    Evelyn: Deer.
    Jake: What?
    Evelyn: Deer! D-E-E-R.
    Jake: What? W-H-A-T.
    Evelyn: What's wrong with him?
    Alan: Jake, it's the deer in the forest. Like Bambi.
    Jake: Oh, cool, let's eat Bambi!
    Charlie: Coming soon to pay per view.
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Season 1
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Season 2
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